It's been a long time since I've worked. And by worked, I mean outside the home, receiving a paycheck. And by long, I mean a good 13+ years. But don't let that fool you-I've had kids, pets, a husband, a company, a home, PTO Board, Room Mom duties, the daily grind, and a lot of health fun, among so much more to keep me more than entertained over those years.
But something was missing. I kept feeling it. But I couldn't find it. I knew I needed it had to do with needing to use my brain. I loved being readily available for anyone and everyone 24/7 but I needed more. I could feel it. Even worse, I could feel it starting to affect others around me. The kids were getting older, but not old enough. Not yet. At least not in my mind. They still needed and wanted me present as much as possible. So for now, I had to find a way to push my need to the back burner. And considering I didn't even know what my "need" even was, I was okay justifying doing so.
Enter COVID. Oh how we all loved those years. Mentally and emotionally, COVID about did me in. I mean, I once even went on a voluntary walk. For miles. Jason was, in my opinion, a bit too extreme with limiting us to the outside world. He did get to a place where I was allowed to go to the drive thru at Starbucks and then park at the Summit and drink my coffee and do crossword puzzles for as long as I wished. But nothing more. No excuses. Sadly, that became my daily happy. Yet, I was still so alone. I 1,300% understood he was doing what was best for me and everything he told me no to was out of love. I truly got that. But that did not make it any easier. It was hard. And it was unfair. I am not going to lie. Especially for the kids. When they would ask why their friends could play together but they still were not allowed. It's all Mamas fault. Sorry kiddos. And they never complained. Not once. The entire COVID period. Which, in a screwed up kind of way, only made it that much harder on me. COVID literally drained me for all I had and more. Now was a more crucial time than ever that I figure out my "need" and figure it out fast. My struggle bus was going full speed and I did not want to find out to where.
Even as things were slowly returning to normal, I wasn't able to convince Jason to let me play on a co-ed softball team in LP. I knew playing on this team would bring so many positives to my life and I needed those more than anything at that point. But as much as I needed that outlet, he had justifiable reasons. As time slowly, and let me emphasis slowly, passed, I was finally able to convince him to let me join a bowling league. I was beyond pumped for lots of reasons. Well, as life sometimes works out, I had to drop out of the league before it even started because COVID started picking up again and Jason did not think it was worth taking a chance.Between my health and COVID taking the lives of 2 of his family members (his stepmom and step brother), I conceded.
So I returned back to my dull, depressing, urge-to-fill-my-need-life of being "allowed" 1 daily outing to Starbucks via drive thru only, followed by hours upon hours of sitting in the back of my car doing crossword puzzles. Crossword puzzles and house hunting via my phone, that is. And no, we had no intentions of moving. However, I did have every intentions of starting a house flipping business once Jason got too old to landscape anymore. Between my love for real estate, his landscaping and builder's background, and him having his builders license, it was the perfect fit for us.
I have always love real estate.and am always thumbing through the market to see the current trends. Please do not ask Jason about this! According to him, I spend hours every day checking out the most current market trends and trying to figure out what has caused the changes in them. I can't say that I could argue with that but I am also not going to say that I'd ever voluntarily agree with him! But finding the trends in local neighborhoods and trying to dissect what triggered them sometimes consumes me. But because I find it to be fun and exciting, I truly was clueless to the amount of time time I spent studying this information or to the fact that Jason was "clocking" me. It was not work to me. But more importantly than that, it was a way for me to use my brain. And that truly made my heart happy!
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